Iran’s most famous personage was a wino. The Persian poet Hafez lauded love (as in 'sexy' love), taverns and drinking, while eulogising freedom from restraint.  

He wrote some cracking 14th-century wine lines. Like these three nuggets: 

“Come let’s scatter rose petals and fill the cup with wine." Yay for Hafez! 

“Colour your prayer rug with wine.” Edgy dude! 

“We’ll pour rose water in the bowl of purple wine." WTF? 

Hafez’s vinophilia stems from his home city. Shiraz has been a liberal booze Mecca for 4,000 years. Until the Islamic Revolution in 1979, Jews, Muslims and Christians pissed it up in racial harmony. 

The mythical Shiraz vineyards now yield fluffy golden grapes that taste like chewable honey. With a base product that good, just imagine the wine they produced. 

The Shiraz grape was on the map long before organised faith built borders. Legend has it that a French crusader brought a vine back from Persia to create the Hermitage vineyards on the River Rhone. 

The globalisation of the grape may be the only positive thing to come out of five centuries of internecine bloodshed. Shiraz (known as Syrah in France) still thrives across searing vineyards in Australia, Argentina and South Africa. 

As this writer can attest, getting drunk in the Islamic Republic today isn’t difficult. In a country where booze is strictly prohibited, 200,000 people are registered alcoholics. That takes some doing. 

Most wine drunk in Iran is smuggled from across the Armenian border in suspiciously coloured Coca-Cola bottles, as our correspondent Henry Jeffreys found in Tonic Volume 1. 

The hard-stuff is made in garages across the Islamic Republic. This  moonshine, known as aragh sagi, contains grapes - but that’s where the similarity with a bottle of Shiraz ends. Aragh sagi is seasoned with mint leaves or anise to ward away the 'basement tang' of plastic piping and 55% alcohol by volume. 

Pent-up Iranian teenagers, for whom ‘love’ and ‘taverns’ are also off the radar, drink aragh sagi by the plastic Pepsi bottle load. In modern Shiraz this hooch can be ordered-to-your-door via Telegram, a Russian version of WhatsApp. 

Aragh Sagi is part of the reason why Iran’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, told citizens to download the domestic Instant Messenger service Soroush (which can track IP addresses and phone contacts) instead. Good luck with that Ali. 

In a final anti-alcohol kick, Iran’s Islamic overlords launched Istak. It marked itself as a “100% Alcohol Free Halal-Certified Malt Beverage”.. Which is “Not only Refreshing but also Nourishing and Prevents Kidney Stones”. Catchy. Istak also comes in ten uniquely unbeery flavours including 'Tropical' and 'Coffee'. 

Shiraz locals have dreamt up a canny way of avoiding Non-Beer, as they have navigated untold chicanery of the Islamic Republic. Namely, they fill empty Istak bottles with “100% Real Alcohol” then sell it in Shiraz’s historic market. 

In the words of Hafez: “I know the way you can get when you have not had a drink of love”. 

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